Saturday, August 20, 2011

You're welcome, Blizzard

Blizzard is once again looking at all options to make the LFD work. But, just like in the past, they are not radical enough. Here I present to you what will be needed to balance the LFD roles.

1) Don't allow non-tanks to pull mobs. Don't allow misguided individuals to cause a bad mood.

2) Always have mobs attack the tank, no matter what. Don't inconvenience the tank.

3) Don't allow any group of mobs to be pulled that is not in line. The dungeons are linear for a reason. Remove aggro ranges.

4) Add a minimum dps that is sufficient to beat the dungeon. This minimum dps magically removes the hitpoints from mobs in combat. The question should never be whether a group successfully finishes a dungeon, but only how fast. The worst possible group should not need more than about 15 minutes to beat a dungeon; your customers live busy lifes. Always encourage time investment, never enforce it.

5) Don't allow the mobs to kill the tank just because the healer doesn't heal him. Instead, tanks should become immune to damage when at about 10% life. Don't allow anybody, including the healer, to affect the tank's mood in a negative way. Rather, encourage the healer to keep the tank's health over 50% by increasing his chance at acquiring minipets/titles/beta invites/etc.

6) Add lots of messages that automatically pop up when a player's performance drops below average. Tell the player that it is your mistake and how sorry you are. Make the customer's computer download a 'hotfix' next time he starts the game.

7) Develop an AI that praises each player every few minutes. Make it appear as if the other players are the source. (You might think that players are too smart for this kind of thing, and you're right. But it makes them happy, anyway.)

And a general advise: in case that your customer numbers drop further I suggest to give out more legendaries.

Much luck, Blizzard !! Only a few more steps and paradise awaits!


  1. I don't think you're going far enough, Mr Nils.

    Everyone pays the same amount with THEIR money. They shouldn't HAVE to do anything at all, they should just be able to tick a box that says "give me every achievement, pet, mount and item in the game."

    After all, they've earned it, because they paid the entrance fee.

  2. Oh no. Now you're going too far, Mr. Drilski. Escalating this kind of thing is an art.

    For example, Blizzard could introduce more colors for "heroic" items. Heroic items would be better than legendary ones. But before they do this they should first add lots of legendaries.

    Generally, you can say that the speed of escalation increases over time, but you still try to reach escape velocity as late as possible.

  3. Option: when you enter a dungeon via the LFD, you're automatically grouped with four NPC henchmen: a tank, a healer and two damage dealers with crowd control capabilities.

    Only 0,49$ per run. Monthly plan also available.

  4. I've written a brilliant, witty and utterly hilarious comment to your post, and it's currently sitting on my desktop. I even baked a complimentary small cake with your name on it as a punchline.

    Unfortunately, since you're in Western Europe and I'm not, and teleporting comments directly to your blog would disrupt our immersive simulation, you'll just have to take my word for it.

    Alternatively, you can ride all the way here to read it by yourself. Granted, the comment will probably despawn by that time, and someone will eat the cake, but that's the price of living in a well-designed persistent world.

  5. Granted, the comment will probably despawn by that time, and someone will eat the cake, but that's the price of living in a well-designed persistent world.

    A well designed persistent world doesn't despawn comments ;)